How much "mom" time is left?

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"It turns out that when I graduated from high school, I had already used up 93% of my in-person parent time. I’m now enjoying the last 5% of that time. We’re in the tail end." - Wait But Why

It occurred to me as I woke up this morning, perhaps from a dream or nightmare, but I asked myself the question, "How many days does mom or dad have left on this planet?"

Frightening thought.

It brought me back to a powerful Wait Buy Why article, "The Tail End," that depicted how much time we have left with mom and dad in pictures. It hadn't occur to me that moving away for college and life would mean that I had already used up 93% of my in-person parent time. Occasional holiday visits would be the only time to congregate with family and even then, I remember those home visits during my early to mid 20s were used to hang out with friends. How young and irresponsible of me.

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How much "in-person" time we have left with our parents...

That's why I'm making it a priority to spend as much time with my parents while I'm around. They have this amazing story of perseverance growing up under poverty and hardships during the Cultural Revolution and eventually making it to America to provide a better life for my sister and me. I'm extremely grateful and currently working on a project to document these stories while I still can.

Netflix's Abstract and the Power of Photography

Platon

“You’re looking for a moment when you feel you’re as close to the soul as possible. That’s what good design is, when it liberates you, and it allows you to do that, to help you feel something very powerful.”
— Platon

Who would've thought binge-watching Netflix on a Saturday night could produce enough dopamine and creativity for me to write a blog post at the late hour of 10PM? But that's what happened after watching two episodes of Netflix's new documentary series, Abstract.

Especially inspiring was the episode documenting the illustrious photographer and storyteller - Platon. It struck a chord that reinvigorated my creative juices because his portraits evoke such strong emotions that you feel like you are right there in the studio with them. What's especially powerful is his sense of purpose in his photographic element...by starting with empathy, he's able to put himself adjacent with the subject's soul as a means to build a bridge to connect the world.

I truly believe in the power of photography. 1/500th of a second has the power to induce empathy in people to break down preconceived stereotypes. The camera acts as a bridge to turn strangers into friends. And it's because of my own personal experiences that I can truly confirm the power of photography.

Many times in my life, I was invited into a stranger's life simply by having a camera dangling from my neck. From rural Africa to exotic Asia, the camera was my best friend when I had none. It was the friend that introduced me to new friends in new territories. It gave me the confidence to break out of my shell to allow a stranger from a foreign land into my own personal comfort zone and through that, it changed my entire perspective on life.

In an age of excessive selfies and Photoshop, one cannot forget that a true picture remains one of the most powerful forms of design, one that still holds the enormous power to change the world.

Gratitude and Reflections From A Trip Around the World

A new year. A new life. Oh, how much has changed in the past few years... 

I've always been quite the introspective thinker. And during this time of the year brings in an even deeper, renewed sense of introspection. However, for the first new years in a long time, I feel peacefully content with life (despite societal labels that would say otherwise). It feels great...

...because I am extremely grateful. For what I already have. It's been almost two years since I first stepped foot on African soil, independently for the first time, as a somewhat curious, nervous, and frightful young man. Unsure of what was to come. Unconfident of not having a status label attached to my name. Unstable because I had no income. But grateful because I can smile at the journey that changed that once frightful and nervous young man.

I'm grateful for the lessons in life taught me to by the children, the adults, and my new friends - teachers of the world. Because of you, I care no longer about new clothes but new friendships. No longer about small but big talk. And it's no longer about "what you do" but instead, "what's your story?"

A friend recently asked, "What did you learn from your journey abroad?"

I think ultimately...I learned what it meant to be human. A global citizen. That we shouldn't place judgments on anyone until we've met them. That certain stereotypes are mere illusions built up by media and "fake news." I remember arriving and strolling around Cairo during Ramadan with 7 million people lining the streets after Iftar. To be honest, perhaps I'd seen one too many movies, being surrounded by hijabs and the Arabic language were a bit of a shock. But as soon as I met and interacted with the people - all stereotypes were immediately shattered. I met a guy named Mohamed, who graciously took me around the city and unwillingly let me pay for our meals. He said something that will stick me with for the rest of my life:

 

"My dream is to see the world. But unfortunately, I cannot because of where I am from. That's why I try to meet travelers here in Egypt, so I can bring the world to me. See..I can still see the world."

 

The palpable sense of optimism was emotionally riveting, especially coming from a place torn by violence in the recent past and now feared by the outside world due to surrounding events. Another friend that housed me in Indonesia had similar words in that he "wished he could travel" but due to the nature of his country's passport, it's extremely difficult. I had no words to say but just immense gratitude towards his kind will.

 

"We are happy because the most important things to us are family and religion."

These were the words spoken to me by the Zambians in the rural village of Munenga, where I stayed for 5 weeks. It amazed me to see laughter and smiles from all corners in a village that was deemed "poor" by western standards. They danced. They sang. They greeted each other "Mwabuka Buti" (good morning) every morning. So...what was their secret? Family and religion.

And then there was the Egyptian kid who gave up his seat for a clearly lost soul on a train bound for Luxor. I had bought the wrong ticket, but the family gave me their ticket as they exited the next stop just in case I'd need it. My heart melted as the kid waved good-bye to a new stranger...a new friend he had just met.

And who could forget the Indonesian boy from Lake Toba, who mildly resembled an Asian Elvis for whatever reason I had at that moment? I was flustered and stranded on the top of the mountain during a thunderstorm, shivering from the cold as I was drenched in water, while leaning against my Honda motorbike next to side of their house for shelter. He opened the door and led me into his home. His mom served me tea, which immediately brought some level of heat back into my body. My iPhone was also dead, drenched from the rain. How stupid was I to not shelter my phone? In a sudden "ah hah" moment, I remembered the "magic rice" trick for dead phones. Luckily, he had rice and offered me a bagful, which must have been a lot for them. Though I spoke no Indonesian, I could muster up smiles and clasped my hands for gratitude. We exchanged laughs due to our inabilities to communicate, but love and gratitude are universal. As the rains died down, I thanked them wholeheartedly for their kindness, and sped back down towards town...knowing I'd probably never see them again.

I must have bad luck with the rain because the same thing happened in Ninh Binh, Vietnam. This time, I was on a bicycle, and there was no shelter to be found except under a small tree. A local Vietnamese couple spotted me, helpless and shivering under the malnourished tree, and ushered me to come in. I did and subsequently enjoyed a hot, Vietnamese lunch along with a few shots of a locally distilled alcoholic beverage. No language but again...communication was universal. 

From the pouring rain into big-hearted hospitality - thank you!

Countless stories of immense kindness cannot be counted with the fingers on my hands. I was just in awe of how kind and helpful people were. I was a stranger but brought in as family. I don't think the same could be said back home in the West. I thought to myself, "If there was a man stuck in the rain outside on his bicycle, would I invite him inside my home for a meal?" I was ashamed to say that it's not in our culture to do that...but I'm hoping I have a different answer now.

The world is not so dangerous at all. In fact, the opposite is true. The stories of true global citizens are endless. These experiences taught me to be more open and kind. From a scared, risk-averse, and nervous young man sprouted a more mature, confident, and kind person. These are the lessons I will take to my grave. Thank you, teachers of the world. Thank you.

 

Quiet...Thoughts on Shutting Up For 10 Days

It's been a few weeks since I spent 11 hours a day in silence meditating in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada. As crazy as that may sound (to some)...it was an interesting yet transformative experience.

And it's probably a good time to now reflect upon the experience.

When "noble silence" was lifted upon all of us, it took a little while before people were comfortable approaching one another to chit-chat. It took me a few tries before being able to form a question because I somehow forgot how to talk!

But as soon as mouths started chattering, buzz and excitement filled the air. Small groups formed to discuss one another's experiences. While each person's experience was distinct and different, one could tell by the flow of positive vibes that those 10 days of silence were indeed quite transformative...

The Players

There was Charlie, a recovering drug and alcohol addict who drove all the way from Colorado with his girlfriend to "try it out." It was his first retreat but by the way he was preaching, I had thought he was quite the experienced guru. For the past 2 years, he's been cleaning up and passing "Thank You" coins from the Random Acts of Kindness foundation, which has reached over 2,000 people around the world. It started as a movement to protect his high school son from being bullied at school...perhaps a simple coin or "thank you" could change the way people, even high schoolers, react? It worked, and he's trying to start a movement to promote peace and compassion. And the retreat really rejuvenated his spirits...what began as skepticism ended with a renewed passion to follow his dreams. Keep fighting, Charlie!

And then I tried looking for my rideshare buddy, Marvin. Apparently he left in the middle of the meditation retreat for unknown reasons. I knew he was going through a tough time going into the retreat, and I hope that he's doing well.

The one guy I wanted to reconnect with was my new friend from Sacramento, Alex. He came into the retreat through a recommendation from a family friend who had done one 5 years back, and he saw how life-changing it was. Recently, Alex had been going through stressful times with running a business while raising a family, so he decided to take 10 days off to try it out...and when I saw him afterwards, he was all smiles. We took several walks across campus, and he excitedly explained to me what he had learned and how he was going to try to apply it in daily life. I was so happy to see a happy man come back into existence.

Since my ride had left early, I found another ride back to the city with Chuck. It was Chuck's 6th retreat, but he said each one is different. Super interesting and nice guy who has been running the Sony Music video department for the Playstation platform for the past 20 years. Then there was Mike, the ex-History teacher, who quit his job earlier this year to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. 3 months into the woods, he broke his ankle and was forced to drop out. He has plans to return one day...

Mind vs. the World

As for myself, it was a roller coaster of emotions but a metamorphic experience nonetheless. Walking into the retreat, I had no expectations and didn't necessarily believe I had problems surfacing on the outside, but boy was I wrong. While my experiential travels did have a huge impact on my perspective and well-being, there are undoubtedly superfluous doubts and anxieties lurking within.

The process of self-introspection first begins by detaching and freeing yourself from all pains and joys. It is the process which Goenka describes as observing "equanimity," meaning we must not place a higher emphasis on pain or joy but just observe all such emotions as reality - this is the basis of Vipassana. Sounds abstract - yeah, I know. But what that really means is being so focused and aware of all physiological and emotional feelings to the point where you don't react, but just observe it for what it is. That sounds even more abstract - yeah, I know.

But somehow it works...most times, we react to pain or emotion before thinking, but what if we just observed (even if it is for a brief 1/10th of a second) and then react? The first few days were mired in suffering and pain in the joints and back. I kept twitching and turning. How painful! But once I learned to just "observe" each pain point, the pain eventually faded away. Such is the way of life. Nothing is ever constant. Everything passes. 

How do we apply such learnings to daily life? Remember how much anguish and pain we placed on ourselves from a previous argument or fight? Was it really worth it to ruminate such evil thoughts in our minds for days and weeks for a petty argument or a "scratched iPhone?" Once we have the power to train and control our minds, we can control our happiness and emotions. In other words, you have the power to be happy. 

Many times my mind wandered off to Viktor Frankl's experience in the concentration camps. While he saw thousands of other Jewish prisoners die off due to a weakened mind which in turn led to hopelessness, he held onto hope by focusing on some type of meaning to be alive...to one day be reunited with his wife. That is ultimately the power of the mind.

Yet in today's world, many of us suffer because of external forces, forces that in reality may hold no value and dissipate with passing time while this suffering of ours holds on. Are we able to train our minds to prevent suffering? Vipassana believes so. It's been told to have changed thousands of lives and cured states of depression. In fact, scientific research on meditation (while growing is still in its infancy) proves that meditation does have beneficial changes to our minds.

“I was able to connect so intimately with my senses in a way I never thought possible...sort of like Jason Bourne.”

While the process of self-awareness and introspection had started during my travels, the "shut the hell up" retreat really brought it to another level. I was able to connect so intimately with my senses in a way I never thought possible...sort of like Jason Bourne. The sensory explosions that existed during those 10 days faded away once back in society, but they did exist. It's amazing what we can do once we channel our focus on ourselves instead of allowing external forces guide and control us. Many moments throughout the retreat brought me to a deeper understanding of myself, my values, and ultimately my story up until that point.

However, the biggest test is how you apply the practice in daily life. The 10 days were kind of like a training ground preparing oneself to re-enter the Colosseum we call society. Most old-timers warned me that it was difficult to maintain the level of meditative intensity once back in society, and I understood what they meant once I re-adjusted back to society. With all the noises and buzzes of society, it is indeed difficult to maintain 2 hours of intense Vipassana meditation...

However, those 10 days were transformative. It taught me that there is indeed a way for us to control our minds. I felt it. I experienced it. It's with this experiential confidence that leads me to this day to believe that with proper practice and continuos effort, we can take control of our lives. Because at the end of the day, our experiences are really just projections of our minds.